At the age of 30, I have been waiting for my socially mis-prescribed emotions to go away. And then I will make my move to mingle properly with other ‘grown up’adults who are ironically pretending. I’ve always meant to get real coked up and run a Fortune 500 company the way it ought to be.
We all have many roles in life; impossible to deny their absurd necessity of it all. But, I have come to differentiate between the role play and the increasing absurdity of life behind veils. Role is to duty, as: Veil is to obligatory. We cower behind an equal distribution of positive and negative attributes — to avoid certain mirrors which no doubt tend to obscure the storyline.
I was never young. I was never accepted. I was never successful. I was never satisfied. I was never sure. I was never brave. I was never charming. I was never well read. I was never wrong.
But that’s not what I remember nor does it matter when it comes to explaining the truth in what really happened. A truthful pretender socially deified as a storyteller. Even statistics naturally draws me to the mathematic politik, linearly set in motion to the numerical storyline.
You see, I was always able to pretend.
A 83 year old 30 year old child in the grip of death recounts his reinvention of the english language reinterpreted over and over through a scattered attention defiant mind. Seeking to remember a lifetime of experiences to explain humor as sociologically pure and unrefined . A story of self medication through philosophy, amphetamine, opiods and checked alcoholism. conveniently patching up anxiety and piecing together his forgotten life lost to years of mental illness.
A man that suffers from from an acute form of dualistic and polarized nostalgia. There is a duality between marveling at owning a keen sense of memory. But there is a strong mistrust that would prefer to deny the existence of any memory. How cognitively-ill-ergonomic thAt the bleakest moments of an idealistic memory can haunt you.
Imagine being able to connect the history of everyone and everything that touched your life. And then compile it, and let it weigh your sanity down as you begin to scientifically doubt your life due to an inability to fit a memory to the storyline—
-Living in a fantasy only reified and preserved by sensitive and spoken metaphor; One might be Unable to see then longview and along the way, becoming incapable of remembering to learn to forget.
Tenured.
A young man with 83 years of memories and emotions bound up in all 5 senses. A journey to seek out answers and experiences from both friends and foe.